Who cares who you date?

I know, I know. I'm married. But I wasn't always married. In fact, I'm far closer to the singles than I am to the 50-year anniversary legends when we look at the timeline. And I certainly didn't always get it right initially. So to answer the question: I CARE. GOD CARES.

You see I'm not of the fortunate bunch who found love the first time around. Often I wish I could erase the slate and pretend that I never had my heart broken or broke hearts before meeting my treasure of a husband. However, I choose to always be thankful for the lessons I learnt along the way. I have no regrets about the journey - yet I acknowledge that sometimes the 'means of transportation' along the way could have been different. Bear with me; I will elaborate in a minute. When I think back to those youthful years, I realise how I so badly wanted to be needed and appreciated. Even with awesome, loving parents, I wanted what my friends had. I didn't want to be alone. I also had the wrong 'role models'. Movies and music created a picture which I perceived as one to be mirrored. It's by God's grace that I remained a virgin till marriage because Lord knows some of the guys were only after one thing. But I digress.

I'd meet a guy and think he was the best thing to hit earth, only to find myself questioning what qualities I actually liked in him! When I couldn't find any besides his looks (yes, I was shallow), I'd moonwalk out of his life without even an explanation. This happened often as I tried to figure out what I was looking for in a relationship. Mind you, I was 16. Over the next 3 years I was on a journey of discovery for Mr Right. Needless to say, I got hurt many times in the process. I'm ashamed to confess that I hurt others too. I was blind to my selfishness and to the havoc I was wreaking in my life. I know I haven't mentioned Jesus yet in this story. But He was there. I just chose to leave Him out of this aspect of my life. I was involved at church, on campus and anywhere else I felt I was required. Heck, I even got some of the boys to come with me to church on the regular (some guys will go to greeaaat lengths for girls they really like)! Lol! I was growing in the Word and in boldness to share it on campus but there was a part of me I was not willing to surrender to God. Maybe because I knew He expected a high standard of obedience which I wasn't willing to endure or maybe because I thought a sovereign Lord had more important things to concern Himself with. Whatever it was, it kept me going around in circles for a long time. I think God eventually decided to save me from my own stupidity because one day, it all suddenly made sense.

A speaker came to share with us at the Student YMCA and suddenly the scales fell off from my eyes! She was talking about how when we hop from one relationship to another, it's like cello tape being stuck onto a jersey then removed and being placed on another jersey. The practical example resulted in the tape losing its designed purpose of sticking things together. She went on to explain that our hearts are the tape. If we keep giving them away in non-lasting relationships then by the time the right person comes along, we have nothing substantial to give. The Holy Spirit stirred in my heart a few significant and life-altering things:

1. I don't need a guy to complete me.
2. If I'm dating to fill a void then God is not sufficient, according to me.
3. If my reason for dating has no intention for marriage then I am not ready to date.
4. If my desire to date exceeds my desire for God, I am an idolater.
5. If the relationship I am in is not surrendered to God then I have not given Him all of me; I am proven a liar.
6. If I am not willing to be accountable and open to God and other mentors then the relationship is not pure.
7. Purity is a lot more than staying a virgin.

When I searched my heart, I ultimately realised that I was too emotionally immature, volatile and unprepared to be in any romantic relationship! WOWZER! What a rude awakening I tell you. I decided there and then that I was to embark on a season of "ONLY GOD UNTIL HE SAYS OTHERWISE". So I focused on growing up spiritually which definitely helped my emotional maturity. It was in these serene moments of experiencing the fullness of who God was in my life that He cemented in my heart and mind just how much I meant to Him. I was beginning to understand my worth. My desires were beginning to align themselves with His Word. I was reading up on conducting godly relationships. One book that really helped me as I prodded along on this journey was "Boy meets girl" by Joshua Harris. Read it (again). I even began writing a 'shopping list' of what I wanted in a husband. The Lord helped me fine-tune it - especially the superficial parts. The picture began to sharpen so I could tell the chancers from the real deal.

Then one day when I was too busy soaking up His awesomeness, He interrupted me to introduce me to one of His finest sons.

And that, my friends, is a tale for another day. Or blog. You know what I mean!

Mrs DeeDK

The other side of the wedding

I curse the day someone coined the phrase "Happily ever after". Whoever it was clearly was not on Earth when they said it. Nor was he/she human! In the real world I've come to learn that in our human nature we will most likely make mistakes or hurt others along the way.

Three years and a bit ago, I married THEE most awesome man EVER. I should be saying that the very next day, I was shocked to learn that he squeezed the toothpaste differently from me. Or that he had an annoying habit of speaking to me before 8am (because we ALL know that's just rude!). Or that he kicks when he's sleeping. Or that he doesn't always feel like talking when I want to talk. I could tell you how all this totally blew my world. But I won't. Because it didn't. That's because we're of the fortunate few that receive sound premarital counseling to lay the foundation for a solid marriage. Ps John Miller gave us the 411 in the months leading to the wedding day. As we engaged on the colors and flavours of the occasion, he prepped us for the sound and aroma of marriage! He taught us the truth about how men and women interact,and how husbands and wives are to treat each other - come what may.

So we weather every storm with those teachings in mind. The storms come in many forms (emotional, spiritual, physical, mental, financial,parental, etc) but the defense is always the same: prayer and communication. Where we fail to use our weapons, we fail to surf the wave. Thankfully, the Lord rescues us and gives us another opportunity to learn from it all. However, the choice is ours if we will heed His Word or do our own thing. I've come to learn that His way is always better for us - even if it's not necessarily the easiest way.

One thing for sure, whatever the trial or drama, it's worth it because I'm learning the lessons with my best friend. The wedding was spectacular but doing life with Kgabo everyday in marriage is infinity times a gazillion times even better!