What did you call me??

I know, I know. The title got your attention. 

Yesterday morning as I was dropping off the girls at daycare, another mom was bringing her son as well. I was in a rush but the princesses never let me leave without our daily routine of hugs and kisses in front of their friends. As I walked back to the car, the mom was taking her little boy out of his car seat. He toddled out of the car slowly - or as fast as his wobbly legs could carry him. I could that she was in a hurry; surely late for work like me. So what I witnessed just warmed my heart. She stroked his blonde mop and said "Come along, little champ!"

No irritation or annoyance in her voice. Just sweet, sweet love! 

It got me thinking... What are we as parents speaking over our children? People often ask Kgabo and I what the motivation behind our daughters' names are. It's one of my favourite things to share because we prayerfully chose names that are declarations over them. We know that each someone says Mackenzie, they're affirming that she's born and purified by fire. A warrior princess who we trust will stand anything with the strength Christ gives her. Mickaela is a reminder that there is NO ONE like our God. She's a banner of God's faithfulness. Our little miracle. Makeida's beautiful, contagious smile that resonates all the way into her eyes, leaves you with no choice but proclaim that she is indeed God's vessel! 

Sometimes I chuckle because we've been asked why we couldn't name them African names with the same meanings. The answer is always the same: these are the names we like! The ones God gave us. We deliberately gave them one name each so we never stray from affirming their meanings. Recently, a pastor friend of ours shared a message at a wedding. He reminded us that when a man and woman unite, they are starting their own tribe. I remember that same word at our own wedding. Half the time, Kgabo and I do things that rock the cultural norm. We're Christians first before we're anything else. 

Back to the "little champ". I imagine that small guy doesn't walk on his bath water or have wings, but his mom thinks he's just awesome! And that's how we should encourage these treasures we've been entrusted with. Our society will certainly be different when people feel loved and validated. As cute as it sounds - and I'm guilty of it too - your children would better benefit from you calling them "champ" or "a delight and joy" or "hero" than a food item! I cringed once when I heard a teacher refer to my baby as her "thingie". I quickly put her in her place. And we also don't allow people (even our parents and siblings) to call our girls "naughty or stout". We're raising our children to grow up to be Christlike so such words aren't building them up. That doesn't mean the girls are always on their best behaviour, but we don't label them either.

So just as God calls me "overcomer", "friend", "strong" and "beloved", I also choose to shower our children with words of affirmation and encouragement.

Mrs DeeDK

Motherhood: An honour and a calling

A friend of mine asked me to share my experience of motherhood for her Facebook page, "The Order of the RedDress". I hope you enjoy it. This is me sharing my heart with you.

"I wasn't always a mom. That may sound obvious to you but I actually want to emphasise that I never thought I'd ever want to be a mom. But marrying an amazing man of God can transform one's dreams into something spectacular! That is definitely MY story. 

Just after Kgabo and I married, I had a prophecy spoken over me that God has called me to be a mother - both in the physical and in the spirit. Almost instantly, my heart yearned to birth little ones that would belong to God and extend His kingdom. So hubby and I prayed about it when we felt we were ready to start a family. A few months later, Mackenzie was born! I vaguely recall wanting a boy but vividly remember my uninhibited joy when our baby girl was laid in my arms. Twenty months later, her bubbly sister Mickaela joined the family! Twenty months after that, little lady Makeida came!  I'm enamored three times over! Yes, I'm called to motherhood. I know that God has entrusted these warrior princesses in my care to shape them and rear them in Christlikeness. 

In a society where so much pain and fear exists, I sometimes can't help but worry over my beautiful little daughters. Then The Lord reminds me that they're His and that He will help us watch over them. It's hard work raising royalty but my, what an absolute joy it is! It's incredible to witness 3 people that look so similar but have such different personalities. My fervent, heartfelt and continued prayer is that I would successfully teach them to love God, love His people, respect themselves, honour their word, to laugh and to never keep trying to give their very best in life. 

Here's to raising women of virtuous substance - Mackenzie, Mickaela and Makeida!"

Mrs DeeDK 

Devoted to forever

It has been said before that it's not how you start the race but how you finish it. That is very true, but I also want to add that how you actually run the race is just as important. Many couples start marriage so excited; so on fire for each other. Starting from the days of being engaged and planning a wonderful wedding day and looking forward to starting a life together as husband and wife. The dreamy stage of "happily ever after" and assuming that nothing will ever go wrong. We have all been there - trust me!

That's why on today's blog post I want to focus on devotion. So many people actually don't see the significance or importance thereof, but it can really be the difference between a good marriage, a great marriage and a failing marriage. Marriage has always been God's idea. So why not keep Him involved once you're together? It can only be a positive thing. There's much strength in praying for one another, and there is a divine power in praying together. If we can start to see our marriages as a love triangle between us, our spouse and God, we've won half the battle. The trouble is not so much starting to do devotion together, although that can also be challenging in the beginning. It's maintaining it that most couples find difficult to do. Life somehow just gets in the way. Between our jobs and raising our children, it's easy to stray away from making time together. 

Kgabo and I decided to get assistance with regards to devotionals that we could do together. And that has made all the difference! We've been able to tackle the uncomfortable topics that we'd have otherwise ignored, with the assistance of Focus on the Family devotionals. We started out a little awkwardly, but we're enjoying them so much now. We're learning a lot about each other along the way, so it's been a blessing! It doesn't feel forced - unlike before when we just randomly picked scriptures to read and discuss. The deliberate consistency has definitely helped to make our devotions meaningful and helpful to the health of marriage.

If you're serious about your relationship (courtship/engagement/marriage), start doing devotion together. If you're doing it for the sake of doing it, start taking it seriously and being intentional about it. Reassess your goals and realign the focus. It can only do you both some good! Happy, healthy marriages make for a happy, healthy society. 

All the best! 

Mrs DeeDK 

Is change really good?

A lot has happened in our little family in the last 3 months. This is definitely a year of changes for us. Firstly, we moved from Cape Town to Gauteng. New jobs for both of us. The search for a new home took up most of my time in my first month here. We spent a month apart - Kgabo in Cape Town, the children in Polokwane and I was lugging my 7-month pregnant self around Jo'burg. It was quite the adventure really! 

So there I was staying at a hotel, getting lost and relying on GPS, and adjusting to a new - and slightly different - work environment. Some challenging co-workers and subordinates definitely kept me busy during the day (and sometimes night) while apartment-viewing had my attention in the evenings! It didn't help that my husband was constantly stressing over the safety of his heavily pregnant wife in Big Bad Jozi. I couldn't wait for him to leave Cape Town!

He finally joined me at the end of January, after our furniture AND car had been lost in transit by an incompetent logistics company! Phew! We found an apartment just in the nick of time too. Our things finally arrived a week later and we started to "settle in". Our new helper arrived a few days later, and our new neighbour's place got burgled literally right under our noses. Shucks. We eventually fetched Mackenzie and Mickaela - much to the despair of my parents! We found a daycare for them (which proved to be a terrible place), and they were only there for 6 days before we discovered that there was a lot of negligence. So we found them a new school that is just amazing! I'm happy to report that they're thriving and growing there. More expensive but totally worth it!

During this time, our littlest piece of heaven entered the scene. Yep, Makeida Koko was born on 7 March! A welcome change and addition into our lives! I had a surprisingly wonderful delivery - despite my initial apprehension about a new gynae and hospital. The maternity ward staff were brilliant and kind too. Praise The Lord for that! But what's a great stay without a bit of drama? I experienced first hand what racial hate can do to a person's perception of life. Some random physio made some hectic statements when she thought I didn't understand Afrikaans. That's another can of worms though. What matters is that we're home with our newest little princess. She's such a blessing and reward to us!

Back to the subject at hand...

The reason I felt the need to post this is that we really have been through a lot of changes in this current season. For the most part, it's been amazing (or at least manageable). However, we are human and we do live on earth so you can expect that some of the change has been frustrating. For one, we suddenly have an additional person in our private space. Over the last 3 and a bit years, we've established methods of raising our children. Now we either have to constantly show the helper how we want her to deal with the children or accept the way she handles (or doesn't handle) them. The former is the chosen course of action but it comes with added dynamics. Ay. It also means that we don't have space to be alone - even if all 3 girls are sleeping! So we have to be deliberate about keeping communication lines open as a couple, and spending time together. That's all good and well in theory, but between trying to heal from my c-section wound that came undone on one side and Kgabo's lengthy daily commutes from Benoni to Roodepoort for work, we often find ourselves at polar spectrums.

What I've come to acknowledge is this:

1. Change is inevitable.

2. Change is not necessarily a bad thing.

3. God needs to be the focus during change.

4. God's grace is sufficient for whatever change you must endure.

5. Change is gradual. Don't lose patience. Don't second-guess decisions you've made towards change.

6. If God was the motivation for the change, you're going to be okay.

7. Change is a journey, not a destination. This too shall pass.

Trust in The Lord for He will help you through the times of change.

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all." 

(Psalms 34:17, 19 NKJV)

On that note, let me close this chapter.

Mrs DeeDK 

Till death do us part

I’m pretty sure that when a couple is at the altar, declaring to be together “till death do us part”, they are not thinking of anyone else but the two of them. That makes sense. They vow to be together till one or both of them die. That’s definitely what I meant when I committed to doing life with my Kgabo. But what happens when someone else’s death threatens the health of your marriage? It’s inevitable that we will lose loved ones along the way on this path of life. If you think about it, if one of us passes on in a marriage, we won’t have to fight to be together anyway. I’m not being crass or insensitive; just making a point. This never really crossed my mind until recently. How do we grieve together? How do we comfort one another? Is our marriage solid enough to survive all the blows that bereavement can bring?

As a couple, Lord knows we’ve had our fair share of pain and loss. A month before we were engaged, we lost my sister-in-law. That’s one of the greatest stings I’ve ever endured, because I missed out on the opportunity to plan our wedding with her. She was the complete opposite of what most describe as a jealous sister-in-law, weary of her brother’s wife and the attention the wife can potentially steal. She embraced me as a little sister long before Kgabo proposed. We somehow processed the loss over the last five years. In different ways, at different stages… Maybe we’re still dealing really. Sadly, life doesn’t wait for you to figure things out completely till it rocks the boat again. I can confidently declare 2013 as our worst year so far as a pair. We lost my father-in-law, our gran and recently, our 13-year old niece in a matter of 3 months. Even the prospect of another pregnancy seemed to pale in comparison to the grief we endured. If there’s anything that’s upset the equilibrium in our lives, it’s death. The frightening part of it all was seeing us drift apart as we tried to navigate around the losses. I’ve had countless talks with God about it all. From asking Him to comfort us to yelling at Him for allowing us to go through all of these. From feeling like I’m slowly losing my mind to wondering how I can show my husband love in these confusing times. Then I remembered that “through sickness and health” also covers our emotions and spiritual well-being. My resolve suddenly rose.

And I started to remind myself of one of my most favourite and yet challenging scriptures. James 1:2-4 says that “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colours. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”
It imprinted in my mind the reality that pressure will come and that we should use it to help us grow. That’s not an easy pill to swallow, but that is the truth. So we’re learning to trust God all the more as we encounter hardships. He’s forcing us to face our fears, flaws and shortcomings so that we can ultimately look to Him. We’re being reminded daily that He loves us more than life itself.

With this revelation, we’re taking each day as it comes. Some days are joyful, some are tragically painful and some are simply confusing. We allow ourselves to go through the emotions as we navigate the road to healing. But we’re definitely more secure that the Lord preserves our spiritual lives, and therefore we continue to have hope and a positive outlook on life.

Needless to say, we’re having an awesome third pregnancy - the best of the three! The Lord has blessed us with a move closer to our families and a new adventure to go through with Him. What the devil planned to steal, the Lord has returned to us with much joy! I can safely say we’re well on our way to the next level of strength and glory! So I pray that death will not hold you back or divide your marriage.

Be strong in the Lord so you can be strong for each other. God loves you and He loves your marriage!

Be blessed :)
Mrs DeeDK

Saying farewell to the past

Hey, guys

Today, 31 December 2013, seems like the perfect day to blog about letting things go.  I'm not even going to be vague.  Let's face it.  More often than not, miscommunication or lack of communication can lead to many headaches in relationships.  Too often we're afraid of what the other might think or how our words will make them feel.  So we shield one another from truths and thoughts that could benefit both of us, much to the detriment of our relationships.  Be rest assured that you are not the only one (or couple) that goes through this.

So just take a moment to reflect on the lows of the year.  Those things that could have been avoided and actually stole your joy. THOSE things.  Now remove them off your shoulders right now and lay them at the foot of the Throne.  Jesus has been waiting the entire year to receive them and release them from your care.  

Personally, I have been hurt by others this year.  I walked around with a thorn in my foot and accused just about everyone for the way I was feeling.  Yes, some of the actions toward me were deliberate, but I actually have the capacity to forgive.  Some people have hurt and disrespected my husband, and I felt compelled to hold grudges on his behalf - because he just doesn't.  I prayed for peace in my heart without actually relinquishing my hold on the issues.  I even (successfully, at times) managed to just shove them at the back of my mind while concentrating on the highlights.  But things that aren't dealt with will always resurface.  When the sun's rays come again tomorrow, those dark shadows are illuminated and serve as a reminder that you have not yet let go.  So?  LET GO.  

I'm taking this time to forgive every colleague that offended me, every fellow believer that didn't act out of love in their word or actions toward me, every friend that overstepped the boundaries or did not keep their promises, every person who posed as supportive while secretly tried break me down, and anyone who spoke words of death over me or my family.  I'm releasing you.  I'm also taking this time to apologise to those I hurt - intentionally or unintentionally.  Please forgive me.

Be blessed. Onto the next one!  Let's walk hand in hand with Jesus into a new season of reconciliation, hope, forgiveness and love!

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!