The naked truth

I'm sitting on a plane as I type this...
The thoughts are running in my head so thank God for in-flight mode because I don't have to wait till I land to capture my thoughts!

I had a very pleasant visit from a friend I haven't seen in years. It was really refreshing! We spent the bulk of the conversation with her marveling at how 'grown' I am now. Basically, that means the fact that I'm married with 2 children! Lol! It is humbling to know that people see our daily lives as something worth aspiring to. Thank you, Father, that You choose to use me on the regular. We both know that I'm nowhere near perfect!

This brings me to my post. So often we fret over what others have to say about our successes - or lack thereof. So we spent unnecessary effort on living lives that are pretty on the outside while they have mould on the inside. Behind closed doors we're struggling to breathe and can barely cope with our stuff. God's offering a hand; asking us to let go and let Him deal with our mess, but we'd rather pretend that we can't see Him than to admit failure, lest someone hear us. Why do we do that?? Who benefits from that? So I've resolved to just be me. All about my Father's business - even though I know it might make me unpopular. I know full well that some people get annoyed when I attribute every single aspect of my life to His presence. But I'ma do it anyway!

I read an awesome, challenging word today. Something along the lines of "One of the best ways to guard the truth is to put it into practice."
So the truth about me is that (1) I love Jesus! He is the center of my everything. He is my light and my salvation. I also think you should know that (2) I love my husband. Living under his godly headship brings me much joy. We don't always agree on stuff but I trust that my heart is safe in his love. That's enough for me. I really really (3) love my children, Mackenzie and Mickaela. They are a gift from God. They aren't always quiet but I rejoice in the fact that they are happy and healthy! But it's nice to hear fellow passengers telling us that we should conduct a crash course on how to fly with drama-free children! Lol! Parenting is a daily lesson so we're looking to The Lord for help in raising godly children. Even in the testing times, we love them. I'm another breed of human because (4) I'm scared of the dark, failure, lack and wet buttons! Don't ask. (5) I'm sometimes judgmental so I have to make a conscious decision to look at every situation through God's eyes. I expect a lot out of people - that's why I get disappointed often, but I have lots of compassion. (6) I believe that the fact that we are human and make mistakes is NOT a license for us to live sinful lives, because we know better. (7) I don't like Christmas! All the glittery, shiny stuff does nothing for me. I love the reminder of Christ's birth and life, but the Santa and tree vibes... not so much. Deal with it!

So that's my story for today! And we're landing now so...

Mrs DeeDk

Marriage is a great discipleship tool!

Greetings, fellow bloggers!

I had such an awesome talk with someone recently - yesterday, really! I thought I should share...

So often, we go through things in relationships (particularly marriage) that we think no one can relate to or understand. However, I can guarantee you that at least one person in the world can relate. So it's important to live your life in such a way that others can learn from it. Now I'm not in any way implying that you must pretend to have a perfect marriage/relationship. Lord knows we all have our fair share of challenges - some of which we ourselves are the guilty party! But there's such a grace in sharing your life with others. It is both liberating and encouraging.

Now onto yesterday's conversation...
I was chatting with a young man who has intentions of getting married in the near future. Both he and his lady are still studying, but he knows exactly what he wants his life to look like. I was absolutely impressed by his desire to be a godly boyfriend, despite all the temptations that life presents. It reminded me of our courtship days! So you can imagine my excitement when I was able to share with him that there is hope! It would've been even better if Kgabo was there as well, but I rate I did okay in the "big sis giving advice" department. Ha-ha!

We talked about everything from love languages (primary and secondary needs) to saving for the future to honest, open conversations with one's partner to planning the wedding. We even talked about rings! Those who know me well will know how excited I became when we spoke about wedding planning! This is truly the one thing besides my God and my family that lights up my life; I know I have found my purpose. I'm passionate about beautiful, dreamy weddings and, most importantly, long-lasting godly marriages. That is the legacy I want to leave behind for my children. And for all my brothers and sisters in the world! MARRIAGE IS FROM GOD SO IT'S MEANT TO BE AWESOME!

So please don't stop sharing. Talk about your relationships - the highlights as well as lowlights. So many people can learn from your mistakes and milestones as a couple. Take it upon yourself to mentor younger couples - whether by speech or action. Each testimony brings hope and life to any relationship. And to those who are not sure about how to conduct their relationships, ask! Help will surely come. Keep your actions in the light so that you always have a spiritual covering. In that way, the devil has no hold over you!

Side note...
Enter a relationship with an open mind. We have not all walked the same path. Let's avoid being judgmental since no one is good. Give your partner room to open up without feeling like he/she is being judged. And if we're aiming for long-lasting marriages, let's avoid unequally yoked relationships.

Word.

Mrs DeeDK

A year for each other

Hi, everyone! Sorry for going quiet on you. I'm back at work now, so I spend my time navigating around the office, traffic, daycare, meals, bath times and breast feeding! Come I think of it, I get to spend "quality time" with Kgabz during traffic. Which brings me to my story for today...

After we tied the knot, my hubby joined me in Cape Town. I'd been living away from the parentals for a number of years, while he had just left his mom and 2 nieces. Needless to say, we both had a lot of adjusting to do. Thankfully, Ps John had prepped us for pretty much any scenario - including the challenge of living with a troublesome (or troubled) teenager. Which was ours. I constantly found myself having to split myself between playing the parent but also allowing my new husband the liberty to head the home. My sister struggled with having to adjust with new leadership in the home while Kgabo battled with being objective whenever the girls were at loggerheads with each other. And that was often! I somehow expected him to always side with me because we are one, but I soon realised that he was a man that stood for fairness and justice.

We spent a lot of time trying to get the 'parenting' thing right, that I now realise that we robbed ourselves the opportunity to just enjoy the first year of marriage. Mind you, we had amazing times as newlyweds. I'm just convinced that it could've been even better. If we weren't parenting, we were churching. If we weren't churching, we were ministering. If we weren't ministering, we were socialising! All these things are great and significant, but I'm afraid we did none of them in moderation. We were often tired from all the adventure that we became comfortable in just being quiet and content when we were alone. Especially me, because I'm a quality time kind of girl. So his presence was more precious to me than his actions. Only later did I learn that in those times, Kgabo had actually craved conversation.

By the time my sister moved to the boarding house, we'd lost so much of the first year. What little we did learn was critical and remains meaningful to this day. What we had missed out on, we vowed not to allow it to have detrimental effects on our marriage. So if I can encourage you, spend the first year of marriage ALONE with your spouse, if possible. There is so much to learn from and about each other. Introducing third parties too early prohibits the freedom to truly discover what an awesome marriage you can have. The second year was occupied by a nanny and our third one again by my sister. To her credit, she has matured and flourished in a phenomenal way. But we're still worlds apart. Life does what life does, but there is grace in abundance. God is totally not limited by our situations. In fact, He thrives on these seeming impossibilities! Just ask; He will just lavish His favour upon you.

So the next time you think of marriage, please factor in "a year for each other". Premarital will give you the knowledge but the first year will give you the experience. Let God lead you, will you? He does it sooooo well. Believe that!

Mrs DeeDK

We were young ones once

I had the privilege of attending a youth outreach event on 8 September. Initially I wasn't going to blog about it but since it's 01:01 and I'm still thinking about it, it's only fair and logical to share my thoughts. Let's call it a side note, because it doesn't quite fit my singlehood series of posts. Or maybe it does. Okay whatever.

The church is His People Baxter.
The venue is Rhodes High School.
The mission is reaching the youth with the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
The event is EMERGE.

My hubby was the dj for the day. And he was just spectacular! That's how my little people and I ended up there. Nothing says "hot dj" like a supportive wife and 2 gorgeous daughters. Upon my arrival, I was greeted with masses of young-ins all on a mission of colour blocking. So I fitted right in with my red skinnies and blue pumps! It took me a few minutes to locate my husband, so I had time to eavesdrop on a few conversations as I trotted along. Two girls were deliberating on whether or not their fashionable off-the-shoulder tops were too revealing as their tummies were bare. Camp A said they were perfect without longer vests underneath. Camp B was like "but this is a church event". Moments later, Camp A won the toss. A few meters away, a young man fired up for Jesus was telling a girl about the awesomeness of knowing Jesus while she shamelessly flirted with him. Further on, a young pair was walking against the stream of traffic that was going into the hall - despite the youth leaders' requests to join the others.

As the day wore on, the MCs and musical acts and even the speaker soldiered on to keep the attention of this active yet not necessarily attentive crowd. I found myself annoyed, irritated and utterly stunned by the blatant disrespect and rebellion that some of them displayed. All efforts seemed wasted on an ungrateful bunch that was beyond redemption. But when 100 learners committed to Christ, my eyes were totally opened! The Holy Spirit reminded me that I was not always born again. That I once was rebellious. That I also used to be a blatant sinner. He reminded me that just like these kids, Jesus cared enough for me in my messed up state to die for me! I immediately repented from my spirit of superiority as I remembered that I was also in the miry clay once. I suddenly saw these youths as the Jesus-hungry and Holy Sprit-thirsty people that they were!

And that made all the difference. Suddenly the flirtatious teen was a child in need of affection from a Saviour. The naughty pair had the potential to become a godly couple if surrounded by the right role models. The provocative dressers were simply children battling with their identity - needing to know who they are and whose they are.

So before we write off this generation, let us remember that we were young ones once. Let us love them and draw them to His Presence.

I salute the Jesses and Jasons of this world - the youth leaders and ministers that serve tirelessly every day to win hearts to Christ. Youth ministry is NOT for the faint-hearted I tell you! Big ups for a successfully epic event!

Mrs DeeDK

A fresh start: Dating Reloaded

Believe the hype!! Jesus thinks you're to die for! So choose to live for Him. I did. And that required me to live a particular way: with PURITY and HOLINESS. The journey continues.

In my post "Who cares who you date?", I ended off by introducing you to the man that makes my heart skip a beat. Now I want I share with you our road to marriage... I entitled this "A fresh start" because the day we decided to have an exclusive relationship was a fresh start for my perspective of dating. I knew what I wanted in a relationship, but I hadn't quite figured out HOW it was supposed to look. Until now, godly courtship was in my mind but I was yet to experience it.

We met at church while I was home for vac - a great place to meet godly potential spouses. I wasn't necessarily looking at the time since God was still teaching me how to be secure in my singleness. We hung out in the same friendship circles often so I got to witness a lot about his character and personality. My "ideal man shopping list" was tucked nearly at the back of my brain but with every interactive opportunity, I identified an attribute in him that was on the list. I remember thinking one day, "What an amazing man my friend is! The woman who marries him will be truly blessed!" He loved the Lord, loved people, loved life, was warm and sincere, a great listener, a great leader, had a stunningly beautiful spirit. He loved sport and music and dance. I also noticed how he treated his female friends, his mom and his sister. He was always the perfect gentleman. For that, I want to thank the mighty men of valour that walked with him and mentored him. The uncle Mikes and Normans of this world played a tremendously pivotal role in who he is today. Thank you, Father, for these spiritual fathers who groomed him. The more I observed, the more I liked. But I still didn't 'recognise' him. My eyes were on what the Lord had assigned to me.

After being good friends for a year and I had temporarily relocated back to Polokwane, we had the most heeeectically life-changing conversation one day. Long story short (because I want to tell you in person), we decided that we wanted to move beyond being friends. We'd seen enough in each other to warrant desiring a formal relationship which would lead to marriage ultimately. So we told our parents - who were thrilled - and asked them and our pastors to hold us accountable to this courtship. They also taught us how to treat each other.

A few months later, I moved back to Cape Town and we had to endure a long-distance relationship. It was during this time when our relationship was really tested. Our intentions were put through the fire of distance, high costs of calls and temptations. Don't get it twisted - the devil doesn't like godly relationships! So be rest assured that he will bring about all sorts of temptation to cause havoc. We were tested when we were apart and tempted when we were together! That's where accountability partners come in handy. They ask (uncomfortable but necessary) questions and pray whenever they're called to do so. It's like an extra covering of spiritual protection if you catch my drift. By the Lord's grace, we soldiered on faithfully for 2 years until Kgabo proposed. The beautiful story of when and how shall be kept for another day.

The point I'm trying to make is if you want to reap a God-inspired marriage, you need to sow a God-inspired dating relationship. Dare to let God change the way you do things! Let Him lead the way on the journey to the altar.

Mrs DeeDK

Who cares who you date?

I know, I know. I'm married. But I wasn't always married. In fact, I'm far closer to the singles than I am to the 50-year anniversary legends when we look at the timeline. And I certainly didn't always get it right initially. So to answer the question: I CARE. GOD CARES.

You see I'm not of the fortunate bunch who found love the first time around. Often I wish I could erase the slate and pretend that I never had my heart broken or broke hearts before meeting my treasure of a husband. However, I choose to always be thankful for the lessons I learnt along the way. I have no regrets about the journey - yet I acknowledge that sometimes the 'means of transportation' along the way could have been different. Bear with me; I will elaborate in a minute. When I think back to those youthful years, I realise how I so badly wanted to be needed and appreciated. Even with awesome, loving parents, I wanted what my friends had. I didn't want to be alone. I also had the wrong 'role models'. Movies and music created a picture which I perceived as one to be mirrored. It's by God's grace that I remained a virgin till marriage because Lord knows some of the guys were only after one thing. But I digress.

I'd meet a guy and think he was the best thing to hit earth, only to find myself questioning what qualities I actually liked in him! When I couldn't find any besides his looks (yes, I was shallow), I'd moonwalk out of his life without even an explanation. This happened often as I tried to figure out what I was looking for in a relationship. Mind you, I was 16. Over the next 3 years I was on a journey of discovery for Mr Right. Needless to say, I got hurt many times in the process. I'm ashamed to confess that I hurt others too. I was blind to my selfishness and to the havoc I was wreaking in my life. I know I haven't mentioned Jesus yet in this story. But He was there. I just chose to leave Him out of this aspect of my life. I was involved at church, on campus and anywhere else I felt I was required. Heck, I even got some of the boys to come with me to church on the regular (some guys will go to greeaaat lengths for girls they really like)! Lol! I was growing in the Word and in boldness to share it on campus but there was a part of me I was not willing to surrender to God. Maybe because I knew He expected a high standard of obedience which I wasn't willing to endure or maybe because I thought a sovereign Lord had more important things to concern Himself with. Whatever it was, it kept me going around in circles for a long time. I think God eventually decided to save me from my own stupidity because one day, it all suddenly made sense.

A speaker came to share with us at the Student YMCA and suddenly the scales fell off from my eyes! She was talking about how when we hop from one relationship to another, it's like cello tape being stuck onto a jersey then removed and being placed on another jersey. The practical example resulted in the tape losing its designed purpose of sticking things together. She went on to explain that our hearts are the tape. If we keep giving them away in non-lasting relationships then by the time the right person comes along, we have nothing substantial to give. The Holy Spirit stirred in my heart a few significant and life-altering things:

1. I don't need a guy to complete me.
2. If I'm dating to fill a void then God is not sufficient, according to me.
3. If my reason for dating has no intention for marriage then I am not ready to date.
4. If my desire to date exceeds my desire for God, I am an idolater.
5. If the relationship I am in is not surrendered to God then I have not given Him all of me; I am proven a liar.
6. If I am not willing to be accountable and open to God and other mentors then the relationship is not pure.
7. Purity is a lot more than staying a virgin.

When I searched my heart, I ultimately realised that I was too emotionally immature, volatile and unprepared to be in any romantic relationship! WOWZER! What a rude awakening I tell you. I decided there and then that I was to embark on a season of "ONLY GOD UNTIL HE SAYS OTHERWISE". So I focused on growing up spiritually which definitely helped my emotional maturity. It was in these serene moments of experiencing the fullness of who God was in my life that He cemented in my heart and mind just how much I meant to Him. I was beginning to understand my worth. My desires were beginning to align themselves with His Word. I was reading up on conducting godly relationships. One book that really helped me as I prodded along on this journey was "Boy meets girl" by Joshua Harris. Read it (again). I even began writing a 'shopping list' of what I wanted in a husband. The Lord helped me fine-tune it - especially the superficial parts. The picture began to sharpen so I could tell the chancers from the real deal.

Then one day when I was too busy soaking up His awesomeness, He interrupted me to introduce me to one of His finest sons.

And that, my friends, is a tale for another day. Or blog. You know what I mean!

Mrs DeeDK

The other side of the wedding

I curse the day someone coined the phrase "Happily ever after". Whoever it was clearly was not on Earth when they said it. Nor was he/she human! In the real world I've come to learn that in our human nature we will most likely make mistakes or hurt others along the way.

Three years and a bit ago, I married THEE most awesome man EVER. I should be saying that the very next day, I was shocked to learn that he squeezed the toothpaste differently from me. Or that he had an annoying habit of speaking to me before 8am (because we ALL know that's just rude!). Or that he kicks when he's sleeping. Or that he doesn't always feel like talking when I want to talk. I could tell you how all this totally blew my world. But I won't. Because it didn't. That's because we're of the fortunate few that receive sound premarital counseling to lay the foundation for a solid marriage. Ps John Miller gave us the 411 in the months leading to the wedding day. As we engaged on the colors and flavours of the occasion, he prepped us for the sound and aroma of marriage! He taught us the truth about how men and women interact,and how husbands and wives are to treat each other - come what may.

So we weather every storm with those teachings in mind. The storms come in many forms (emotional, spiritual, physical, mental, financial,parental, etc) but the defense is always the same: prayer and communication. Where we fail to use our weapons, we fail to surf the wave. Thankfully, the Lord rescues us and gives us another opportunity to learn from it all. However, the choice is ours if we will heed His Word or do our own thing. I've come to learn that His way is always better for us - even if it's not necessarily the easiest way.

One thing for sure, whatever the trial or drama, it's worth it because I'm learning the lessons with my best friend. The wedding was spectacular but doing life with Kgabo everyday in marriage is infinity times a gazillion times even better!