Don't forget your seasons

So I'd like to think we're finally somewhat settled in Cape Town since our recent move from Joziburg. It took a little longer than I thought it would. You see, I made the mistake of thinking everything would go back to the way it used to be. Same house, same workplace, same church. It only made sense. Boy, was I wrong! And so were many around us.

Don't get me wrong. This move back to the Mother City has been the best thing for our family of five. It's been awesome watching our little ladies running around the yard and having the space to wear out their endless energy! I'm so thankful for our tenants who treated our home like their own. It's still in a great state, as if we never left. We've been enjoying reminiscing about things we used to do before and planning to do things we realise we overlooked before. It's truly been an amazing time. 

So it came as a bit of a shock for my system when I realized that a lot has also changed. Firstly, a lot of close friends moved out of Cape Town round about the same time as we did.  So being back has felt so different. The relationships with the few close friends we have are being reestablished somewhat. People have grown - just as we have. Our dreams and aspirations aren't the same anymore so it's like starting over in getting to know each other. The circle has also grown much smaller - which isn't really a bad thing. I quite appreciate knowing who my people are but I'm definitely open to new people that the Lord brings my way, for His glory. Secondly, church dynamics have changed. I never thought the day would come when I didn't feel at home at our church. Every week I've felt like putting up my hand when they ask who the first time visitors are. Some of the people who we left behind just assumed we'd slot right in to what we did before we left. They have been quite surprised that we're not quite on the same page. So have we, to be honest. 

Work has a similar atmosphere. I see how people constantly try to figure out if I'll react to them the way I did before or not. Some have quickly come to learn that I'm a whole new league of different. Boundaries aren't fuzzy. I'm absolutely clear about what I'll tolerate and dismiss. Some like the change. Some don't know how to deal with it. My advice: JBS. I've always been family-orientated but I'm definitely more vocal about it, and I often see how that irks people who put their careers before family. Do you and let me do me. 

*As I prayerfully continue to trust God for the daily grace to balance family and my career*

One of the things I keep reflecting on lately is how many relationships I didn't invest in enough when we were in Jo'burg. Relationships that God kept ushering me towards. I was too busy trying to nurse and build on the ones that weren't fruitful. So now, in this new season, I'm all for God relationships. The older I get, the more I acknowledge and accept and enjoy that my circle gets smaller.  The mission to love God and love people hasn't changed. I'm just at a point of realising that there are certain relationships that are for me to pursue as others that are for my fellow believers to engage in. And it's okay with me. I'm a relational person at heart so it hurts deeply when I keep reaching out to people who keep me at arm's length. However, instead of fretting over that, I'd rather invest in the ones that are seeking me out. I've come to learn that most times, those are the ones sent by God for their good - and mine. 

Yesterday I was driving behind a driving school vehicle - during a lesson. I deliberately kept at a distance. Perhaps because I didn't any mistake the learner could make to affect me (I could tell he was a new learner). But mostly, I kept my distance because I never forget my season of learning years ago. When I'd freak out when experienced drivers hooted because I was taking too long at a 4-way stop. When I'd stall in the middle of an intersection. Because I was still learning. So I kept my distance. The driver directly behind me kept hooting because he was impatient. He didn't care that there was a learner in front of us - yes, he also saw the big board on top of the car.  

I've rambled a bit, but I have a point to make. Remember your past seasons - your milestones - and you will be more understanding when people go through their seasons. Be slow to judge or criticise. You don't know what others are going through. I've come across a few posts and blogs criticising the 'Love your spouse challenge'. People out here saying they can't in good faith join the challenge because the reality is that marriages aren't perfect. That's true. Marriages aren't perfect. That's EXACTLY why we need to add some positivity into our marriages. Not because we're pretending they're perfect, but because we're declaring that no matter the storms, we continue to choose our spouse. So don't do it if you don't want to, but don't tarnish the ones who are bravely declaring their love for their spouses. I, for one, can openly say that our marriage is far from perfect. We disagree and argue and are selfish and insensitive to each other at times - just like any other couple. That's why I pray daily for our marriage. I read stories of couples that have been married for 40+ years and I pray we'll also get there. I'm definitely not naive to the fact that these couples have fought long and hard to stay together. The devil's already on a mission to discredit solid, godly relationships. He doesn't need my help in spreading doom and gloom. 

Keep that negativity THERE. Far from me. 

So this is me. New season. New mindset. Ready. Willing. Lord, have Your way. 

It starts with ME

Hey, guys!

I've been in hiding for a while - well, at least from the writing side of life. Life has been pretty eventful but I'm thankful for every moment.

The latest racial challenges in our country have really being weighing heavily on my heart. I've been stunned to a point of not being able to articulate my stance on the matter. However, folding my arms isn't going to change anything. So where goes.

As a South African, I love the rich diversity of our country. The light and dark shades of brown that make up our people. Our 11 languages, our different cultural/traditional songs, our various genres of music (kwaito, sokkie, Afro pop, house music, you name it). Our bunny chows, our spatlos, our koeksisters, our pap 'n vleis, our famous braais. Our beautiful national flag and our heart-warming anthem!

But sometimes I wonder why God made us look so different. I ponder over whether or not we'd treat each other so horribly and with so much hate if we looked alike. He knew what He was doing so I choose not to lose hope. 

I still believe in a future where our children will love one another and get along and treat one another with respect - no matter the colour. A society where we will look at the heart of man and not his skin. A society where racism will NOT be tolerated - and expected! We can never not see the colour but we can choose to see beyond it. 

The question is: where to from here? Are we to be content with the current state of affairs in SA? Are we to wait on the government to make it all disappear? NO. The reality is that we've seen that we cannot look to the state to bring a magic fix. The reality is WE need to rally together and change the things we aren't happy with. We need to engage those white elephants in the room - the topics we deliberately ignore because we don't want to offend. Racial politics and other forms of discrimination are everywhere - where we work, where we study, even where we fellowship. 

Social media has opened a channel for us to address some of these issues via numerous hashtags. Let's move even further than the #s and start acting. And TALKING! May we be compelled to act and have strength to take this giant head-on! 

Nkosi sikelel'iAfrika!

Morena boloka setšhaba sa gešo! 

God bless Africa!

Here, seën ons land!

What did you call me??

I know, I know. The title got your attention. 

Yesterday morning as I was dropping off the girls at daycare, another mom was bringing her son as well. I was in a rush but the princesses never let me leave without our daily routine of hugs and kisses in front of their friends. As I walked back to the car, the mom was taking her little boy out of his car seat. He toddled out of the car slowly - or as fast as his wobbly legs could carry him. I could that she was in a hurry; surely late for work like me. So what I witnessed just warmed my heart. She stroked his blonde mop and said "Come along, little champ!"

No irritation or annoyance in her voice. Just sweet, sweet love! 

It got me thinking... What are we as parents speaking over our children? People often ask Kgabo and I what the motivation behind our daughters' names are. It's one of my favourite things to share because we prayerfully chose names that are declarations over them. We know that each someone says Mackenzie, they're affirming that she's born and purified by fire. A warrior princess who we trust will stand anything with the strength Christ gives her. Mickaela is a reminder that there is NO ONE like our God. She's a banner of God's faithfulness. Our little miracle. Makeida's beautiful, contagious smile that resonates all the way into her eyes, leaves you with no choice but proclaim that she is indeed God's vessel! 

Sometimes I chuckle because we've been asked why we couldn't name them African names with the same meanings. The answer is always the same: these are the names we like! The ones God gave us. We deliberately gave them one name each so we never stray from affirming their meanings. Recently, a pastor friend of ours shared a message at a wedding. He reminded us that when a man and woman unite, they are starting their own tribe. I remember that same word at our own wedding. Half the time, Kgabo and I do things that rock the cultural norm. We're Christians first before we're anything else. 

Back to the "little champ". I imagine that small guy doesn't walk on his bath water or have wings, but his mom thinks he's just awesome! And that's how we should encourage these treasures we've been entrusted with. Our society will certainly be different when people feel loved and validated. As cute as it sounds - and I'm guilty of it too - your children would better benefit from you calling them "champ" or "a delight and joy" or "hero" than a food item! I cringed once when I heard a teacher refer to my baby as her "thingie". I quickly put her in her place. And we also don't allow people (even our parents and siblings) to call our girls "naughty or stout". We're raising our children to grow up to be Christlike so such words aren't building them up. That doesn't mean the girls are always on their best behaviour, but we don't label them either.

So just as God calls me "overcomer", "friend", "strong" and "beloved", I also choose to shower our children with words of affirmation and encouragement.

Mrs DeeDK

Motherhood: An honour and a calling

A friend of mine asked me to share my experience of motherhood for her Facebook page, "The Order of the RedDress". I hope you enjoy it. This is me sharing my heart with you.

"I wasn't always a mom. That may sound obvious to you but I actually want to emphasise that I never thought I'd ever want to be a mom. But marrying an amazing man of God can transform one's dreams into something spectacular! That is definitely MY story. 

Just after Kgabo and I married, I had a prophecy spoken over me that God has called me to be a mother - both in the physical and in the spirit. Almost instantly, my heart yearned to birth little ones that would belong to God and extend His kingdom. So hubby and I prayed about it when we felt we were ready to start a family. A few months later, Mackenzie was born! I vaguely recall wanting a boy but vividly remember my uninhibited joy when our baby girl was laid in my arms. Twenty months later, her bubbly sister Mickaela joined the family! Twenty months after that, little lady Makeida came!  I'm enamored three times over! Yes, I'm called to motherhood. I know that God has entrusted these warrior princesses in my care to shape them and rear them in Christlikeness. 

In a society where so much pain and fear exists, I sometimes can't help but worry over my beautiful little daughters. Then The Lord reminds me that they're His and that He will help us watch over them. It's hard work raising royalty but my, what an absolute joy it is! It's incredible to witness 3 people that look so similar but have such different personalities. My fervent, heartfelt and continued prayer is that I would successfully teach them to love God, love His people, respect themselves, honour their word, to laugh and to never keep trying to give their very best in life. 

Here's to raising women of virtuous substance - Mackenzie, Mickaela and Makeida!"

Mrs DeeDK 

Devoted to forever

It has been said before that it's not how you start the race but how you finish it. That is very true, but I also want to add that how you actually run the race is just as important. Many couples start marriage so excited; so on fire for each other. Starting from the days of being engaged and planning a wonderful wedding day and looking forward to starting a life together as husband and wife. The dreamy stage of "happily ever after" and assuming that nothing will ever go wrong. We have all been there - trust me!

That's why on today's blog post I want to focus on devotion. So many people actually don't see the significance or importance thereof, but it can really be the difference between a good marriage, a great marriage and a failing marriage. Marriage has always been God's idea. So why not keep Him involved once you're together? It can only be a positive thing. There's much strength in praying for one another, and there is a divine power in praying together. If we can start to see our marriages as a love triangle between us, our spouse and God, we've won half the battle. The trouble is not so much starting to do devotion together, although that can also be challenging in the beginning. It's maintaining it that most couples find difficult to do. Life somehow just gets in the way. Between our jobs and raising our children, it's easy to stray away from making time together. 

Kgabo and I decided to get assistance with regards to devotionals that we could do together. And that has made all the difference! We've been able to tackle the uncomfortable topics that we'd have otherwise ignored, with the assistance of Focus on the Family devotionals. We started out a little awkwardly, but we're enjoying them so much now. We're learning a lot about each other along the way, so it's been a blessing! It doesn't feel forced - unlike before when we just randomly picked scriptures to read and discuss. The deliberate consistency has definitely helped to make our devotions meaningful and helpful to the health of marriage.

If you're serious about your relationship (courtship/engagement/marriage), start doing devotion together. If you're doing it for the sake of doing it, start taking it seriously and being intentional about it. Reassess your goals and realign the focus. It can only do you both some good! Happy, healthy marriages make for a happy, healthy society. 

All the best! 

Mrs DeeDK 

Is change really good?

A lot has happened in our little family in the last 3 months. This is definitely a year of changes for us. Firstly, we moved from Cape Town to Gauteng. New jobs for both of us. The search for a new home took up most of my time in my first month here. We spent a month apart - Kgabo in Cape Town, the children in Polokwane and I was lugging my 7-month pregnant self around Jo'burg. It was quite the adventure really! 

So there I was staying at a hotel, getting lost and relying on GPS, and adjusting to a new - and slightly different - work environment. Some challenging co-workers and subordinates definitely kept me busy during the day (and sometimes night) while apartment-viewing had my attention in the evenings! It didn't help that my husband was constantly stressing over the safety of his heavily pregnant wife in Big Bad Jozi. I couldn't wait for him to leave Cape Town!

He finally joined me at the end of January, after our furniture AND car had been lost in transit by an incompetent logistics company! Phew! We found an apartment just in the nick of time too. Our things finally arrived a week later and we started to "settle in". Our new helper arrived a few days later, and our new neighbour's place got burgled literally right under our noses. Shucks. We eventually fetched Mackenzie and Mickaela - much to the despair of my parents! We found a daycare for them (which proved to be a terrible place), and they were only there for 6 days before we discovered that there was a lot of negligence. So we found them a new school that is just amazing! I'm happy to report that they're thriving and growing there. More expensive but totally worth it!

During this time, our littlest piece of heaven entered the scene. Yep, Makeida Koko was born on 7 March! A welcome change and addition into our lives! I had a surprisingly wonderful delivery - despite my initial apprehension about a new gynae and hospital. The maternity ward staff were brilliant and kind too. Praise The Lord for that! But what's a great stay without a bit of drama? I experienced first hand what racial hate can do to a person's perception of life. Some random physio made some hectic statements when she thought I didn't understand Afrikaans. That's another can of worms though. What matters is that we're home with our newest little princess. She's such a blessing and reward to us!

Back to the subject at hand...

The reason I felt the need to post this is that we really have been through a lot of changes in this current season. For the most part, it's been amazing (or at least manageable). However, we are human and we do live on earth so you can expect that some of the change has been frustrating. For one, we suddenly have an additional person in our private space. Over the last 3 and a bit years, we've established methods of raising our children. Now we either have to constantly show the helper how we want her to deal with the children or accept the way she handles (or doesn't handle) them. The former is the chosen course of action but it comes with added dynamics. Ay. It also means that we don't have space to be alone - even if all 3 girls are sleeping! So we have to be deliberate about keeping communication lines open as a couple, and spending time together. That's all good and well in theory, but between trying to heal from my c-section wound that came undone on one side and Kgabo's lengthy daily commutes from Benoni to Roodepoort for work, we often find ourselves at polar spectrums.

What I've come to acknowledge is this:

1. Change is inevitable.

2. Change is not necessarily a bad thing.

3. God needs to be the focus during change.

4. God's grace is sufficient for whatever change you must endure.

5. Change is gradual. Don't lose patience. Don't second-guess decisions you've made towards change.

6. If God was the motivation for the change, you're going to be okay.

7. Change is a journey, not a destination. This too shall pass.

Trust in The Lord for He will help you through the times of change.

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all." 

(Psalms 34:17, 19 NKJV)

On that note, let me close this chapter.

Mrs DeeDK 

Till death do us part

I’m pretty sure that when a couple is at the altar, declaring to be together “till death do us part”, they are not thinking of anyone else but the two of them. That makes sense. They vow to be together till one or both of them die. That’s definitely what I meant when I committed to doing life with my Kgabo. But what happens when someone else’s death threatens the health of your marriage? It’s inevitable that we will lose loved ones along the way on this path of life. If you think about it, if one of us passes on in a marriage, we won’t have to fight to be together anyway. I’m not being crass or insensitive; just making a point. This never really crossed my mind until recently. How do we grieve together? How do we comfort one another? Is our marriage solid enough to survive all the blows that bereavement can bring?

As a couple, Lord knows we’ve had our fair share of pain and loss. A month before we were engaged, we lost my sister-in-law. That’s one of the greatest stings I’ve ever endured, because I missed out on the opportunity to plan our wedding with her. She was the complete opposite of what most describe as a jealous sister-in-law, weary of her brother’s wife and the attention the wife can potentially steal. She embraced me as a little sister long before Kgabo proposed. We somehow processed the loss over the last five years. In different ways, at different stages… Maybe we’re still dealing really. Sadly, life doesn’t wait for you to figure things out completely till it rocks the boat again. I can confidently declare 2013 as our worst year so far as a pair. We lost my father-in-law, our gran and recently, our 13-year old niece in a matter of 3 months. Even the prospect of another pregnancy seemed to pale in comparison to the grief we endured. If there’s anything that’s upset the equilibrium in our lives, it’s death. The frightening part of it all was seeing us drift apart as we tried to navigate around the losses. I’ve had countless talks with God about it all. From asking Him to comfort us to yelling at Him for allowing us to go through all of these. From feeling like I’m slowly losing my mind to wondering how I can show my husband love in these confusing times. Then I remembered that “through sickness and health” also covers our emotions and spiritual well-being. My resolve suddenly rose.

And I started to remind myself of one of my most favourite and yet challenging scriptures. James 1:2-4 says that “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colours. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”
It imprinted in my mind the reality that pressure will come and that we should use it to help us grow. That’s not an easy pill to swallow, but that is the truth. So we’re learning to trust God all the more as we encounter hardships. He’s forcing us to face our fears, flaws and shortcomings so that we can ultimately look to Him. We’re being reminded daily that He loves us more than life itself.

With this revelation, we’re taking each day as it comes. Some days are joyful, some are tragically painful and some are simply confusing. We allow ourselves to go through the emotions as we navigate the road to healing. But we’re definitely more secure that the Lord preserves our spiritual lives, and therefore we continue to have hope and a positive outlook on life.

Needless to say, we’re having an awesome third pregnancy - the best of the three! The Lord has blessed us with a move closer to our families and a new adventure to go through with Him. What the devil planned to steal, the Lord has returned to us with much joy! I can safely say we’re well on our way to the next level of strength and glory! So I pray that death will not hold you back or divide your marriage.

Be strong in the Lord so you can be strong for each other. God loves you and He loves your marriage!

Be blessed :)
Mrs DeeDK

Saying farewell to the past

Hey, guys

Today, 31 December 2013, seems like the perfect day to blog about letting things go.  I'm not even going to be vague.  Let's face it.  More often than not, miscommunication or lack of communication can lead to many headaches in relationships.  Too often we're afraid of what the other might think or how our words will make them feel.  So we shield one another from truths and thoughts that could benefit both of us, much to the detriment of our relationships.  Be rest assured that you are not the only one (or couple) that goes through this.

So just take a moment to reflect on the lows of the year.  Those things that could have been avoided and actually stole your joy. THOSE things.  Now remove them off your shoulders right now and lay them at the foot of the Throne.  Jesus has been waiting the entire year to receive them and release them from your care.  

Personally, I have been hurt by others this year.  I walked around with a thorn in my foot and accused just about everyone for the way I was feeling.  Yes, some of the actions toward me were deliberate, but I actually have the capacity to forgive.  Some people have hurt and disrespected my husband, and I felt compelled to hold grudges on his behalf - because he just doesn't.  I prayed for peace in my heart without actually relinquishing my hold on the issues.  I even (successfully, at times) managed to just shove them at the back of my mind while concentrating on the highlights.  But things that aren't dealt with will always resurface.  When the sun's rays come again tomorrow, those dark shadows are illuminated and serve as a reminder that you have not yet let go.  So?  LET GO.  

I'm taking this time to forgive every colleague that offended me, every fellow believer that didn't act out of love in their word or actions toward me, every friend that overstepped the boundaries or did not keep their promises, every person who posed as supportive while secretly tried break me down, and anyone who spoke words of death over me or my family.  I'm releasing you.  I'm also taking this time to apologise to those I hurt - intentionally or unintentionally.  Please forgive me.

Be blessed. Onto the next one!  Let's walk hand in hand with Jesus into a new season of reconciliation, hope, forgiveness and love!

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!  

Marriage: 2 (people) for the price of 1 (love)

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the significance of the oneness that God desires for marriage. Daily, I ponder on Ephesians 5 and what Paul teaches about love and submission. My conclusion is this:

Marriage is not for wimps.
This is the real world. Not fairy-tale land. Yes, it’s awesome to be Kgabo’s wife! I am truly blessed to have him as the head of our home. But the life of a submissive wife is not always easy - especially when we don’t agree on things. That’s what true submission is: choosing to obey out of respect, even when you don’t necessarily see the picture the same way. I trust him to trust God enough to lead us accordingly when we cannot reach a consensus. I am a team member in this course of marriage. The game plan and tactics have to be discussed and understood by both parties or else we will not win the game. You have to be committed to the task at hand by keeping in shape. PRAY TOGETHER. SEEK GOD. PRAY FOR EACH OTHER. TALK. PLAY. AFFIRM EACH OTHER. KISS. HAVE GREAT SEX (Yes, it’s so important!).

Marriage is exclusive.
You are not married to your parents, your friends, your pastor or your siblings. Not even your children. The first person to go to after Jesus is your spouse. Have faith in your marriage that it can withstand anything that is thrown at it. People may mean well with advice and prayer, but your priority is your husband/wife. There’s a very thin line between sharing with friends and dishonouring the trust of your spouse. I’m not saying one should paint a false picture of the state of one’s marriage. I’m saying honour your marriage by understanding that you are one with only one other. I love knowing that my husband is my best friend. I pray that with each passing day, our hearts become more intertwined, more engaged and more in tune. I’m also learning that when I’d mad at hubby, I can talk sober-mindedly to God because He won’t allow me to bash His son with words without questioning my motives. You see, God gets me. He gets Kgabo. He favours us both so in the end we both win! Going to Him first ensures that we don’t end up needing a third party to resolve our challenges.

Marriage is not perfect.
Marriage is not perfect because it consists of imperfect people. But praise God that God exists in our marriage! In that way, we have His perfection to aspire to. His soothing Word can mend and heal and bind and encourage and bless us into shape. We acknowledge our shortcomings – to ourselves and to each other. In that way, we both agree that we can work on improving the quality of our love. As I continue to submit, I inadvertently inspire him to love and respect me. That in turn makes me want to submit to him, and so spins the wheel of a godly union.

Sometimes in marriage, the foundations are built on shaky ground and have a hard time holding it all together. Have no fear. The Master Builder can reconstruct any marriage if the couple is willing. Let Him help you by molding you both into what you need to be for a strong marriage. The process may be painful but at least you know that in the end, you will be a formidable team. Let God uproot the debris and place whatever material is required to strengthen the bond of love. And don’t look down on yourself or your spouse for the past imperfections. This marriage needs both of you to work out!

Be blessed. Enjoy marriage :)

Hope prevails

For as long as God exists, hope exists!  Friends, do not allow the things of this life to deter you from fulfilling your God-given purpose.  Be encouraged.

PRAY.
LOVE.
GIVE.
SING.
LAUGH.
PRAY SOME MORE.

I will tell more later...

Christ died and rose, for you and for me!

I'm sitting in bed right now (yes, while you're on your way to work), watching our little princess sleep. Her little mouth is working as her pacifier moves up and down. She hasn't been feeling well for the past few days, so I decided to spend my off day with her at home. It suddenly dawns on me that this is how our Heavenly Father ministers His love to us when we are ill or sad. He drops everything to come and sit by bedside and bring us His calming comfort.

But if we think about it, He went a step further. He sent His one and only Son to earth so that He could die for us. Not so that we could live lives free of sickness and hurt, but so that we could live abundant lives - all the way into eternity! Now THAT'S what I all Crazy Love! He loves us truly, madly and oh so deeply. So no matter what we face, we must be fully convinced that God has our backs. I know for sure that the things that hurt me are on His radar. I know He heals all sickness. So I don't lose hope. And in those times that I feel my faith wobbling on shaky ground, I remember that He has already performed a miracle in Baby Mickaela's life! If He could revive her back to life after a severe allergic reaction, a tummy bug is a walk in the park for Him!

So this Jesus that I profess, He's real! He LIVES! If you don't have a relationship with Him, why not take Him up on His challenge? Allow Him to love you radically and passionately! He's already paid the price - in FULL.

The naked truth

I'm sitting on a plane as I type this...
The thoughts are running in my head so thank God for in-flight mode because I don't have to wait till I land to capture my thoughts!

I had a very pleasant visit from a friend I haven't seen in years. It was really refreshing! We spent the bulk of the conversation with her marveling at how 'grown' I am now. Basically, that means the fact that I'm married with 2 children! Lol! It is humbling to know that people see our daily lives as something worth aspiring to. Thank you, Father, that You choose to use me on the regular. We both know that I'm nowhere near perfect!

This brings me to my post. So often we fret over what others have to say about our successes - or lack thereof. So we spent unnecessary effort on living lives that are pretty on the outside while they have mould on the inside. Behind closed doors we're struggling to breathe and can barely cope with our stuff. God's offering a hand; asking us to let go and let Him deal with our mess, but we'd rather pretend that we can't see Him than to admit failure, lest someone hear us. Why do we do that?? Who benefits from that? So I've resolved to just be me. All about my Father's business - even though I know it might make me unpopular. I know full well that some people get annoyed when I attribute every single aspect of my life to His presence. But I'ma do it anyway!

I read an awesome, challenging word today. Something along the lines of "One of the best ways to guard the truth is to put it into practice."
So the truth about me is that (1) I love Jesus! He is the center of my everything. He is my light and my salvation. I also think you should know that (2) I love my husband. Living under his godly headship brings me much joy. We don't always agree on stuff but I trust that my heart is safe in his love. That's enough for me. I really really (3) love my children, Mackenzie and Mickaela. They are a gift from God. They aren't always quiet but I rejoice in the fact that they are happy and healthy! But it's nice to hear fellow passengers telling us that we should conduct a crash course on how to fly with drama-free children! Lol! Parenting is a daily lesson so we're looking to The Lord for help in raising godly children. Even in the testing times, we love them. I'm another breed of human because (4) I'm scared of the dark, failure, lack and wet buttons! Don't ask. (5) I'm sometimes judgmental so I have to make a conscious decision to look at every situation through God's eyes. I expect a lot out of people - that's why I get disappointed often, but I have lots of compassion. (6) I believe that the fact that we are human and make mistakes is NOT a license for us to live sinful lives, because we know better. (7) I don't like Christmas! All the glittery, shiny stuff does nothing for me. I love the reminder of Christ's birth and life, but the Santa and tree vibes... not so much. Deal with it!

So that's my story for today! And we're landing now so...

Mrs DeeDk

Marriage is a great discipleship tool!

Greetings, fellow bloggers!

I had such an awesome talk with someone recently - yesterday, really! I thought I should share...

So often, we go through things in relationships (particularly marriage) that we think no one can relate to or understand. However, I can guarantee you that at least one person in the world can relate. So it's important to live your life in such a way that others can learn from it. Now I'm not in any way implying that you must pretend to have a perfect marriage/relationship. Lord knows we all have our fair share of challenges - some of which we ourselves are the guilty party! But there's such a grace in sharing your life with others. It is both liberating and encouraging.

Now onto yesterday's conversation...
I was chatting with a young man who has intentions of getting married in the near future. Both he and his lady are still studying, but he knows exactly what he wants his life to look like. I was absolutely impressed by his desire to be a godly boyfriend, despite all the temptations that life presents. It reminded me of our courtship days! So you can imagine my excitement when I was able to share with him that there is hope! It would've been even better if Kgabo was there as well, but I rate I did okay in the "big sis giving advice" department. Ha-ha!

We talked about everything from love languages (primary and secondary needs) to saving for the future to honest, open conversations with one's partner to planning the wedding. We even talked about rings! Those who know me well will know how excited I became when we spoke about wedding planning! This is truly the one thing besides my God and my family that lights up my life; I know I have found my purpose. I'm passionate about beautiful, dreamy weddings and, most importantly, long-lasting godly marriages. That is the legacy I want to leave behind for my children. And for all my brothers and sisters in the world! MARRIAGE IS FROM GOD SO IT'S MEANT TO BE AWESOME!

So please don't stop sharing. Talk about your relationships - the highlights as well as lowlights. So many people can learn from your mistakes and milestones as a couple. Take it upon yourself to mentor younger couples - whether by speech or action. Each testimony brings hope and life to any relationship. And to those who are not sure about how to conduct their relationships, ask! Help will surely come. Keep your actions in the light so that you always have a spiritual covering. In that way, the devil has no hold over you!

Side note...
Enter a relationship with an open mind. We have not all walked the same path. Let's avoid being judgmental since no one is good. Give your partner room to open up without feeling like he/she is being judged. And if we're aiming for long-lasting marriages, let's avoid unequally yoked relationships.

Word.

Mrs DeeDK

A year for each other

Hi, everyone! Sorry for going quiet on you. I'm back at work now, so I spend my time navigating around the office, traffic, daycare, meals, bath times and breast feeding! Come I think of it, I get to spend "quality time" with Kgabz during traffic. Which brings me to my story for today...

After we tied the knot, my hubby joined me in Cape Town. I'd been living away from the parentals for a number of years, while he had just left his mom and 2 nieces. Needless to say, we both had a lot of adjusting to do. Thankfully, Ps John had prepped us for pretty much any scenario - including the challenge of living with a troublesome (or troubled) teenager. Which was ours. I constantly found myself having to split myself between playing the parent but also allowing my new husband the liberty to head the home. My sister struggled with having to adjust with new leadership in the home while Kgabo battled with being objective whenever the girls were at loggerheads with each other. And that was often! I somehow expected him to always side with me because we are one, but I soon realised that he was a man that stood for fairness and justice.

We spent a lot of time trying to get the 'parenting' thing right, that I now realise that we robbed ourselves the opportunity to just enjoy the first year of marriage. Mind you, we had amazing times as newlyweds. I'm just convinced that it could've been even better. If we weren't parenting, we were churching. If we weren't churching, we were ministering. If we weren't ministering, we were socialising! All these things are great and significant, but I'm afraid we did none of them in moderation. We were often tired from all the adventure that we became comfortable in just being quiet and content when we were alone. Especially me, because I'm a quality time kind of girl. So his presence was more precious to me than his actions. Only later did I learn that in those times, Kgabo had actually craved conversation.

By the time my sister moved to the boarding house, we'd lost so much of the first year. What little we did learn was critical and remains meaningful to this day. What we had missed out on, we vowed not to allow it to have detrimental effects on our marriage. So if I can encourage you, spend the first year of marriage ALONE with your spouse, if possible. There is so much to learn from and about each other. Introducing third parties too early prohibits the freedom to truly discover what an awesome marriage you can have. The second year was occupied by a nanny and our third one again by my sister. To her credit, she has matured and flourished in a phenomenal way. But we're still worlds apart. Life does what life does, but there is grace in abundance. God is totally not limited by our situations. In fact, He thrives on these seeming impossibilities! Just ask; He will just lavish His favour upon you.

So the next time you think of marriage, please factor in "a year for each other". Premarital will give you the knowledge but the first year will give you the experience. Let God lead you, will you? He does it sooooo well. Believe that!

Mrs DeeDK

We were young ones once

I had the privilege of attending a youth outreach event on 8 September. Initially I wasn't going to blog about it but since it's 01:01 and I'm still thinking about it, it's only fair and logical to share my thoughts. Let's call it a side note, because it doesn't quite fit my singlehood series of posts. Or maybe it does. Okay whatever.

The church is His People Baxter.
The venue is Rhodes High School.
The mission is reaching the youth with the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
The event is EMERGE.

My hubby was the dj for the day. And he was just spectacular! That's how my little people and I ended up there. Nothing says "hot dj" like a supportive wife and 2 gorgeous daughters. Upon my arrival, I was greeted with masses of young-ins all on a mission of colour blocking. So I fitted right in with my red skinnies and blue pumps! It took me a few minutes to locate my husband, so I had time to eavesdrop on a few conversations as I trotted along. Two girls were deliberating on whether or not their fashionable off-the-shoulder tops were too revealing as their tummies were bare. Camp A said they were perfect without longer vests underneath. Camp B was like "but this is a church event". Moments later, Camp A won the toss. A few meters away, a young man fired up for Jesus was telling a girl about the awesomeness of knowing Jesus while she shamelessly flirted with him. Further on, a young pair was walking against the stream of traffic that was going into the hall - despite the youth leaders' requests to join the others.

As the day wore on, the MCs and musical acts and even the speaker soldiered on to keep the attention of this active yet not necessarily attentive crowd. I found myself annoyed, irritated and utterly stunned by the blatant disrespect and rebellion that some of them displayed. All efforts seemed wasted on an ungrateful bunch that was beyond redemption. But when 100 learners committed to Christ, my eyes were totally opened! The Holy Spirit reminded me that I was not always born again. That I once was rebellious. That I also used to be a blatant sinner. He reminded me that just like these kids, Jesus cared enough for me in my messed up state to die for me! I immediately repented from my spirit of superiority as I remembered that I was also in the miry clay once. I suddenly saw these youths as the Jesus-hungry and Holy Sprit-thirsty people that they were!

And that made all the difference. Suddenly the flirtatious teen was a child in need of affection from a Saviour. The naughty pair had the potential to become a godly couple if surrounded by the right role models. The provocative dressers were simply children battling with their identity - needing to know who they are and whose they are.

So before we write off this generation, let us remember that we were young ones once. Let us love them and draw them to His Presence.

I salute the Jesses and Jasons of this world - the youth leaders and ministers that serve tirelessly every day to win hearts to Christ. Youth ministry is NOT for the faint-hearted I tell you! Big ups for a successfully epic event!

Mrs DeeDK

A fresh start: Dating Reloaded

Believe the hype!! Jesus thinks you're to die for! So choose to live for Him. I did. And that required me to live a particular way: with PURITY and HOLINESS. The journey continues.

In my post "Who cares who you date?", I ended off by introducing you to the man that makes my heart skip a beat. Now I want I share with you our road to marriage... I entitled this "A fresh start" because the day we decided to have an exclusive relationship was a fresh start for my perspective of dating. I knew what I wanted in a relationship, but I hadn't quite figured out HOW it was supposed to look. Until now, godly courtship was in my mind but I was yet to experience it.

We met at church while I was home for vac - a great place to meet godly potential spouses. I wasn't necessarily looking at the time since God was still teaching me how to be secure in my singleness. We hung out in the same friendship circles often so I got to witness a lot about his character and personality. My "ideal man shopping list" was tucked nearly at the back of my brain but with every interactive opportunity, I identified an attribute in him that was on the list. I remember thinking one day, "What an amazing man my friend is! The woman who marries him will be truly blessed!" He loved the Lord, loved people, loved life, was warm and sincere, a great listener, a great leader, had a stunningly beautiful spirit. He loved sport and music and dance. I also noticed how he treated his female friends, his mom and his sister. He was always the perfect gentleman. For that, I want to thank the mighty men of valour that walked with him and mentored him. The uncle Mikes and Normans of this world played a tremendously pivotal role in who he is today. Thank you, Father, for these spiritual fathers who groomed him. The more I observed, the more I liked. But I still didn't 'recognise' him. My eyes were on what the Lord had assigned to me.

After being good friends for a year and I had temporarily relocated back to Polokwane, we had the most heeeectically life-changing conversation one day. Long story short (because I want to tell you in person), we decided that we wanted to move beyond being friends. We'd seen enough in each other to warrant desiring a formal relationship which would lead to marriage ultimately. So we told our parents - who were thrilled - and asked them and our pastors to hold us accountable to this courtship. They also taught us how to treat each other.

A few months later, I moved back to Cape Town and we had to endure a long-distance relationship. It was during this time when our relationship was really tested. Our intentions were put through the fire of distance, high costs of calls and temptations. Don't get it twisted - the devil doesn't like godly relationships! So be rest assured that he will bring about all sorts of temptation to cause havoc. We were tested when we were apart and tempted when we were together! That's where accountability partners come in handy. They ask (uncomfortable but necessary) questions and pray whenever they're called to do so. It's like an extra covering of spiritual protection if you catch my drift. By the Lord's grace, we soldiered on faithfully for 2 years until Kgabo proposed. The beautiful story of when and how shall be kept for another day.

The point I'm trying to make is if you want to reap a God-inspired marriage, you need to sow a God-inspired dating relationship. Dare to let God change the way you do things! Let Him lead the way on the journey to the altar.

Mrs DeeDK

Who cares who you date?

I know, I know. I'm married. But I wasn't always married. In fact, I'm far closer to the singles than I am to the 50-year anniversary legends when we look at the timeline. And I certainly didn't always get it right initially. So to answer the question: I CARE. GOD CARES.

You see I'm not of the fortunate bunch who found love the first time around. Often I wish I could erase the slate and pretend that I never had my heart broken or broke hearts before meeting my treasure of a husband. However, I choose to always be thankful for the lessons I learnt along the way. I have no regrets about the journey - yet I acknowledge that sometimes the 'means of transportation' along the way could have been different. Bear with me; I will elaborate in a minute. When I think back to those youthful years, I realise how I so badly wanted to be needed and appreciated. Even with awesome, loving parents, I wanted what my friends had. I didn't want to be alone. I also had the wrong 'role models'. Movies and music created a picture which I perceived as one to be mirrored. It's by God's grace that I remained a virgin till marriage because Lord knows some of the guys were only after one thing. But I digress.

I'd meet a guy and think he was the best thing to hit earth, only to find myself questioning what qualities I actually liked in him! When I couldn't find any besides his looks (yes, I was shallow), I'd moonwalk out of his life without even an explanation. This happened often as I tried to figure out what I was looking for in a relationship. Mind you, I was 16. Over the next 3 years I was on a journey of discovery for Mr Right. Needless to say, I got hurt many times in the process. I'm ashamed to confess that I hurt others too. I was blind to my selfishness and to the havoc I was wreaking in my life. I know I haven't mentioned Jesus yet in this story. But He was there. I just chose to leave Him out of this aspect of my life. I was involved at church, on campus and anywhere else I felt I was required. Heck, I even got some of the boys to come with me to church on the regular (some guys will go to greeaaat lengths for girls they really like)! Lol! I was growing in the Word and in boldness to share it on campus but there was a part of me I was not willing to surrender to God. Maybe because I knew He expected a high standard of obedience which I wasn't willing to endure or maybe because I thought a sovereign Lord had more important things to concern Himself with. Whatever it was, it kept me going around in circles for a long time. I think God eventually decided to save me from my own stupidity because one day, it all suddenly made sense.

A speaker came to share with us at the Student YMCA and suddenly the scales fell off from my eyes! She was talking about how when we hop from one relationship to another, it's like cello tape being stuck onto a jersey then removed and being placed on another jersey. The practical example resulted in the tape losing its designed purpose of sticking things together. She went on to explain that our hearts are the tape. If we keep giving them away in non-lasting relationships then by the time the right person comes along, we have nothing substantial to give. The Holy Spirit stirred in my heart a few significant and life-altering things:

1. I don't need a guy to complete me.
2. If I'm dating to fill a void then God is not sufficient, according to me.
3. If my reason for dating has no intention for marriage then I am not ready to date.
4. If my desire to date exceeds my desire for God, I am an idolater.
5. If the relationship I am in is not surrendered to God then I have not given Him all of me; I am proven a liar.
6. If I am not willing to be accountable and open to God and other mentors then the relationship is not pure.
7. Purity is a lot more than staying a virgin.

When I searched my heart, I ultimately realised that I was too emotionally immature, volatile and unprepared to be in any romantic relationship! WOWZER! What a rude awakening I tell you. I decided there and then that I was to embark on a season of "ONLY GOD UNTIL HE SAYS OTHERWISE". So I focused on growing up spiritually which definitely helped my emotional maturity. It was in these serene moments of experiencing the fullness of who God was in my life that He cemented in my heart and mind just how much I meant to Him. I was beginning to understand my worth. My desires were beginning to align themselves with His Word. I was reading up on conducting godly relationships. One book that really helped me as I prodded along on this journey was "Boy meets girl" by Joshua Harris. Read it (again). I even began writing a 'shopping list' of what I wanted in a husband. The Lord helped me fine-tune it - especially the superficial parts. The picture began to sharpen so I could tell the chancers from the real deal.

Then one day when I was too busy soaking up His awesomeness, He interrupted me to introduce me to one of His finest sons.

And that, my friends, is a tale for another day. Or blog. You know what I mean!

Mrs DeeDK

The other side of the wedding

I curse the day someone coined the phrase "Happily ever after". Whoever it was clearly was not on Earth when they said it. Nor was he/she human! In the real world I've come to learn that in our human nature we will most likely make mistakes or hurt others along the way.

Three years and a bit ago, I married THEE most awesome man EVER. I should be saying that the very next day, I was shocked to learn that he squeezed the toothpaste differently from me. Or that he had an annoying habit of speaking to me before 8am (because we ALL know that's just rude!). Or that he kicks when he's sleeping. Or that he doesn't always feel like talking when I want to talk. I could tell you how all this totally blew my world. But I won't. Because it didn't. That's because we're of the fortunate few that receive sound premarital counseling to lay the foundation for a solid marriage. Ps John Miller gave us the 411 in the months leading to the wedding day. As we engaged on the colors and flavours of the occasion, he prepped us for the sound and aroma of marriage! He taught us the truth about how men and women interact,and how husbands and wives are to treat each other - come what may.

So we weather every storm with those teachings in mind. The storms come in many forms (emotional, spiritual, physical, mental, financial,parental, etc) but the defense is always the same: prayer and communication. Where we fail to use our weapons, we fail to surf the wave. Thankfully, the Lord rescues us and gives us another opportunity to learn from it all. However, the choice is ours if we will heed His Word or do our own thing. I've come to learn that His way is always better for us - even if it's not necessarily the easiest way.

One thing for sure, whatever the trial or drama, it's worth it because I'm learning the lessons with my best friend. The wedding was spectacular but doing life with Kgabo everyday in marriage is infinity times a gazillion times even better!

Enveloped by Love

Often I wonder how we manage to get by.  Lord knows life has its challenges.  Some of us put up a front while we suffer quietly because pride stands in the way of asking for help.  Some of us resort to being negative and reciting the “woe is me” speech to anyone who will listen.  Some of us try all sorts of tactics and manoeuvres to get what we need.  Some of us – some very few of us – look to God who owns everything.  To Him who owns the cattle on a thousand hills [Psalm 50:10].

I think at any given point in my life, I have been “some” in all these categories.  We often get ourselves into a fix and try worm our way out.  Only when we fail, do we bother to run to the Lord for His divine intervention.  Why don’t we just exercise some patience and wait on Him?  Why don’t we just rely on His promises of unfailing, unconditional love?  Why don’t we just remember that even when we are faithless, God remains faithful?

The sooner we realise that we can’t do it alone, but that God actually wants to lavish His love on us, the sooner we can experience the overwhelmingly secure embrace of His love.  One thing for sure, I am enveloped by Love.  You may be wondering how I can be so confident in that fact.  The thing is that you may not know the look of Love.  So what does Jesus look like?  What does this Love look like?  It looks like Kgabo.  It looks like Mackenzie.  It looks like Bevan.  Like Candice and Andrew.  Like Jacqui and Mokete.  Like Mandla and Lungi.  Like Sisanda and Bonnie.  Like Mankoana and Nzuzo.  Like Humphrey and Chinelle.  It certainly looks like my parents and siblings.  Love looks like anyone who has ever extended their grace, support, forgiveness, kindness, generosity, or shoulder when we needed it. 

Don’t be afraid to ask for help, for help will surely come.  Jesus will send His army of angels, heaven-bound or otherwise, to come to the rescue.  We have lived through that truth, so you better believe it will happen for you!

Be blessed J

A need to be needed

Yesterday I sat and watched as my colleague frantically ran around the office like a maniac.  Sales day at our business looks like this every month.  Things are left to the very last minute, leaving the key players to scramble to meet the 12h00 deadline.  What I see gives me much insight into the way we are wired as humans.

My colleague’s role in sales is actually a function that should be done by someone else in another department, but that’s a story for another day.  So often he’ll sit and whine about how no one appreciates him and how a lot is expected of him without the recognition.  Most of us may not necessarily be doing what we enjoy doing, but we do want to be remembered for playing a pivotal enough role to leave some sort of a legacy when we leave.  This has led me to this revelation: we all have a need to be needed. 

When the clock struck 12h00, the system closed down, blocking any incomplete sales.  They sat in anticipation of the system opening again; an undeserved grace they seemed to get monthly.  Not this time.  Even then, my colleague sat at his desk after the “going home” siren had sounded.  He insisted that he might be needed if the system restarted.  Even when his manager told him to go home as nothing could be done, he sat and stated to me as-a-matter-of fact that no one can do what does so they need him.  The thing is, they can.  They choose not to.  All I could do was smile with God as He revealed this truth to me.

Now if we can just learn that we are already important to God, we might stop trying to please man.  To my colleague’s credit, he is a loyal, hard worker but he seeks approval from the wrong place.  If we live by the truth that we were created to give glory to God and God alone, we will be secure in our worth.  We won’t need to hold on to our titles and possessions to feel significant.  The mere fact that you were created means you have a role to play in the world.  God does not create waste!

Ecclesiastes 5:20 says that God will keep man so occupied with gladness in his heart as he works that man will not need to reflect on his days (or his worth).  So let’s do what we do as unto the Lord and not unto men, dear friends!  Let us stop seeking approval in the wrong places because God has already put His stamp of approval on us.  WE ARE GOD’S PROPERTY!