Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the significance of the oneness that God desires for marriage. Daily, I ponder on Ephesians 5 and what Paul teaches about love and submission. My conclusion is this:
Marriage is not for wimps.
This is the real world. Not fairy-tale land. Yes, it’s awesome to be Kgabo’s wife! I am truly blessed to have him as the head of our home. But the life of a submissive wife is not always easy - especially when we don’t agree on things. That’s what true submission is: choosing to obey out of respect, even when you don’t necessarily see the picture the same way. I trust him to trust God enough to lead us accordingly when we cannot reach a consensus. I am a team member in this course of marriage. The game plan and tactics have to be discussed and understood by both parties or else we will not win the game. You have to be committed to the task at hand by keeping in shape. PRAY TOGETHER. SEEK GOD. PRAY FOR EACH OTHER. TALK. PLAY. AFFIRM EACH OTHER. KISS. HAVE GREAT SEX (Yes, it’s so important!).
Marriage is exclusive.
You are not married to your parents, your friends, your pastor or your siblings. Not even your children. The first person to go to after Jesus is your spouse. Have faith in your marriage that it can withstand anything that is thrown at it. People may mean well with advice and prayer, but your priority is your husband/wife. There’s a very thin line between sharing with friends and dishonouring the trust of your spouse. I’m not saying one should paint a false picture of the state of one’s marriage. I’m saying honour your marriage by understanding that you are one with only one other. I love knowing that my husband is my best friend. I pray that with each passing day, our hearts become more intertwined, more engaged and more in tune. I’m also learning that when I’d mad at hubby, I can talk sober-mindedly to God because He won’t allow me to bash His son with words without questioning my motives. You see, God gets me. He gets Kgabo. He favours us both so in the end we both win! Going to Him first ensures that we don’t end up needing a third party to resolve our challenges.
Marriage is not perfect.
Marriage is not perfect because it consists of imperfect people. But praise God that God exists in our marriage! In that way, we have His perfection to aspire to. His soothing Word can mend and heal and bind and encourage and bless us into shape. We acknowledge our shortcomings – to ourselves and to each other. In that way, we both agree that we can work on improving the quality of our love. As I continue to submit, I inadvertently inspire him to love and respect me. That in turn makes me want to submit to him, and so spins the wheel of a godly union.
Sometimes in marriage, the foundations are built on shaky ground and have a hard time holding it all together. Have no fear. The Master Builder can reconstruct any marriage if the couple is willing. Let Him help you by molding you both into what you need to be for a strong marriage. The process may be painful but at least you know that in the end, you will be a formidable team. Let God uproot the debris and place whatever material is required to strengthen the bond of love. And don’t look down on yourself or your spouse for the past imperfections. This marriage needs both of you to work out!
Be blessed. Enjoy marriage :)