Hi, everyone! Sorry for going quiet on you. I'm back at work now, so I spend my time navigating around the office, traffic, daycare, meals, bath times and breast feeding! Come I think of it, I get to spend "quality time" with Kgabz during traffic. Which brings me to my story for today...
After we tied the knot, my hubby joined me in Cape Town. I'd been living away from the parentals for a number of years, while he had just left his mom and 2 nieces. Needless to say, we both had a lot of adjusting to do. Thankfully, Ps John had prepped us for pretty much any scenario - including the challenge of living with a troublesome (or troubled) teenager. Which was ours. I constantly found myself having to split myself between playing the parent but also allowing my new husband the liberty to head the home. My sister struggled with having to adjust with new leadership in the home while Kgabo battled with being objective whenever the girls were at loggerheads with each other. And that was often! I somehow expected him to always side with me because we are one, but I soon realised that he was a man that stood for fairness and justice.
We spent a lot of time trying to get the 'parenting' thing right, that I now realise that we robbed ourselves the opportunity to just enjoy the first year of marriage. Mind you, we had amazing times as newlyweds. I'm just convinced that it could've been even better. If we weren't parenting, we were churching. If we weren't churching, we were ministering. If we weren't ministering, we were socialising! All these things are great and significant, but I'm afraid we did none of them in moderation. We were often tired from all the adventure that we became comfortable in just being quiet and content when we were alone. Especially me, because I'm a quality time kind of girl. So his presence was more precious to me than his actions. Only later did I learn that in those times, Kgabo had actually craved conversation.
By the time my sister moved to the boarding house, we'd lost so much of the first year. What little we did learn was critical and remains meaningful to this day. What we had missed out on, we vowed not to allow it to have detrimental effects on our marriage. So if I can encourage you, spend the first year of marriage ALONE with your spouse, if possible. There is so much to learn from and about each other. Introducing third parties too early prohibits the freedom to truly discover what an awesome marriage you can have. The second year was occupied by a nanny and our third one again by my sister. To her credit, she has matured and flourished in a phenomenal way. But we're still worlds apart. Life does what life does, but there is grace in abundance. God is totally not limited by our situations. In fact, He thrives on these seeming impossibilities! Just ask; He will just lavish His favour upon you.
So the next time you think of marriage, please factor in "a year for each other". Premarital will give you the knowledge but the first year will give you the experience. Let God lead you, will you? He does it sooooo well. Believe that!
Mrs DeeDK
